


Trenchcoat Weather

by retrovertigo (ellameno)



Series: The Great Fire [2]
Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Affection, Anxiety Disorder, Asexual Awareness Week, Asexual Character, Asexual Relationship, Autumn, Bonding, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Insomnia, Kindred Spirits, Loss, Relationship Discussions, Robot/Human Relationships, Sharing Clothes, Slow Burn, Survivor Guilt, Touch-Starved, Walking, and my general tags for this series are:, neurodivergent sole survivor, seasonally appropriate content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-29
Updated: 2016-10-29
Packaged: 2018-08-27 15:04:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8406316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellameno/pseuds/retrovertigo
Summary: Autumn walks bring long talks, but beware the chill on your back.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Heyyy I kept my promise to update again this AAW, I'm proud of myself. If you haven't read the first update, check it out for continuity's sake.
> 
> Minor warning for what could be considered very brief suicide ideation in this chapter.

        The wind kicked crimson and saffron leaves across the road. The trees not yet dead were few and far between, but still their sparse adornments made her heart start to warm as if influenced by their hue. Fall had always been her favorite season. Though now the associations that came along with it would forever be tainted; like the still lingering radiation that had mutated everything in this world, even if it was too subtle to see at first.

        Nick reassured her she could make new associations, with new people. He kept saying  _'one day at a time'_. It was easier to believe when she was with him. Befriending the kindly android was a pleasant distraction, and prevented her from spiraling downwards into her grief. Focus on the little positive things. Like the firey colors that surrounded her.

        She took a deep breath. “The air smells nice, but there’s always little bit of a--”

        “It’s ozone,” Nick replied.

        “Ah.”

        “You’ll get used to it.”

        She sniffed again. “Smells like something else.”

        “Wet pavement?”

        “Yeah.”

        “Storm is rolling in, I can _feel_ it too.”

        “Are you one of those old people who can feel the storm in their knees?”

        He chuckled. “Something like that. I notice the _rust_ getting slicker on my joints.”

        “Ugh.” She made a disgusted noise. Then blinked. “S-Sorry that was rude.”

        He laughed harder. “No, no, it’s pretty ‘ _ugh’_. So if you start smelling metal on the air too... that’s just me.”

        The two were headed to Sanctuary Hills. She hadn’t been back for weeks, and as much she enjoyed her travels with Nick Valentine in this new world she was feeling homesick. It seemed like the further she got from her neighborhood the more tired she felt. She knew she couldn’t go back to her time, but the cul-de-sac Codsworth had done his best to preserve was the closest thing she had. Perhaps a few nights in her old house would be enough recharge to keep on going.

        Nick however seemed in high spirits. He was eager to see her home, citing the fact that he’d shown her around his own. She wasn’t sure if he was sincere or if it was just his attempt to lighten her mood, but it was helping either way.

        “Honestly, I haven’t been out and about like this in a long while,” Nick said. “Ellie gets so fussy over me leaving on my own. It’s a real blessing I got mixed up with you so she won’t fret herself to death. _Again_.”

        “You and Ellie aren’t a _thing_ , are you?" she inquired, a notion raised due to their living arrangement.

        “ _God_ no,” Nick answered. “No offense to her; she’s an absolute darling, but she’s like a daughter to me.”

        "So, you're single?"

        He laughed like she said something genuinely comical.

        "What?" she asked, bemused.

        "Have you _seen me_?"

        "Well I mean... love is blind, right? Not that you're not a very handsome um... man?"

        "You flatter me,” Nick replied as if they were playing a game. “And you can call me a synth. It's OK."

        “Are you sure?" she questioned. “I’ve only heard it said in, er, _derogatory_ ways.”

        “It’s not a slur or anything, it’s what I am. People just _say it that way_ , cause they don’t think we should exist.”

        “That’s messed up.” She frowned.

        “Well, you’re new around here.”

        "I mean, I dunno if it's the same now, but back in my day a good man was hard to find. And from what I've seen, you're a _really_ good one."

        He turned to look at her. “Thanks, kid.”

        They walked a bit longer in comfortable silence, but the desire to know more about her new companion kept nagging at her brain. Plus it was a way to keep her mind off more troubling affairs.

        "So you have never like, been involved with _anyone_?" she asked.

        “What’s with this line of questioning? You lookin’ to get hitched?”

        She smacked him lightly. “I’m just trying to get to know you.”

        "Not in the sixty some-odd years I've been here.”

        “Huh...”

        “What, that strange to you?”

        “I mean, I’ve heard some humans date ghouls and stuff.”

        “Well ghouls are still flesh and blood. I’m... _not_.”

        “I’m sure there’s--”

        “If someone ‘round here had some kind of _robot fetish_ , I’d definitely take a hard pass on that," he said pertly.

        “Do people--”

        “God, don’t even get me started," he griped.

        She laughed. “Sounds like you’ve had some run ins with weirdos.”

        “My work takes me to shady places, and you get people in bars and alleyways tellin’ you how ‘intriguing’ you are. I know they’re trying to make me feel good about myself, but instead it just winds up being... dehumanizing.”

        “Yeah, I could see that," she said. “Lots of men have made me feel like that.”

        “I’m sorry. I never really knew what it was like to be objectified that way before. It’s rotten.”

        “Well, for what it’s worth, you’re probably the coolest guy I’ve ever met. _Synthetic,_ or otherwise.”

        “Flattery will get you everywhere.” He paused, and then glanced at her. “Y’know... I’ve never seen one of those lurid Vault suits look as good as it does on you.”

        “Really? I think it’s kin--” She stopped short and scrunched up her face. “Oh fine, be like that. I was actually being serious, y’know. I’m not just kissing your metal ass.”

        Nick gave a tight-lipped laugh like he was pleased with himself. “ _Anyway_ , to further elaborate on your question... I’m married to my work, so to speak. It’s a full time job in a place like this.”

        “And still you’ve found time to run around with me.”

        “Well, I count it part of the case. And maybe I’m... kind of... _vetting_ you.”

        She furrowed her brow. “For what?”

        “Ah... just... You’re really impressing me out here. You got a… _way_ about you that seems to make people wanna open up, or even lower a weapon. That’s a priceless skill to have in my profession. You can probably tell from the state I’m in that I’m not the best at talking my way outta dicey situations. So if you... ever wanted to be a junior detective...”

        “You’re serious?" she asked, suddenly feeling more like an eager kid than a grown woman. “I thought Ellie was just giving you a hard time.”

        “Well, I haven’t had a proper partner in a while, and I’m kind of done waiting on the cap-grubbing flake who used to run with me to waltz back into my life. He wasn’t in it to help people... _but_ as long as there was a paycheck, he was a hell of a fighter.”

        “And how do I measure up, combat wise?”

        “Kid, you’re superhuman," he said bemused. “And you used to be a _housewife_?”

        “Something like that," she replied. She’d been eagerly awaiting her return to the courtroom after maternity leave, pouring over the details of the case obsessively. But that day would never come. She shivered.

        “Not too chilly for ya, is it?”

        “Just a tad.”

        “You want my coat?" he offered.

        “I, n-no...” The wind picked up again and its chill on her back felt a little too evocative of the cryochamber. “Maybe yes.”

        “Here," he said starting to take it off.

        “You don’t need it?" she inquired, feeling sheepish.

        “Don’t really feel it. Besides, I love the cold. Keeps the ol’ processors from overheating.”

        “Oh yeah... I didn’t even think about that.”

        “Summer, summer is the worst. Spend all my caps suckin’ down coolant, and even then I get laggy. Lethargic. I guess you’d call it the robot equivalent of brainfog.”

        She put on the tattered coat. It was too big on her and swallowed up her hands, but the waist tie helped pull it snug against her, like an over-sized robe. It smelled bitter, of tobacco and some kind of chemical, but there was a faint aura of cologne that complimented the other scents, rather than clashed.

        Nick was keeping her entertained and well looked-after in their travels, but she still felt sluggish and a bit off kilter. As if she too was a machine, and was running on empty.

        “You alright there kid? You look like the walking dead, no offense.”

        “I feel like the walking dead.” She glanced at him, and he was staring back, concerned. “No, it’s just I haven’t had a really good night’s sleep since I... woke up.”

        “You didn’t even sleep well at my place?”

        “I did, better than I have… but not as good as I used to... before…” She trailed off, not wanting to think about it.

        “Ah hey, if you need to stop to rest just tell me so.”

        “I thought we wanted to make headway before that storm catches us.”

        “Well sure, but not at the expense of your health.”

        “I can do it.” She waved a hand.

        “I can carry ya...” he proposed. She blinked back at him. “I mean we aren’t carrying much at all," he added.

        “You are such a sweetheart," she chuckled softly.

        “I’m just trying to do my part,” Nick deflected.

        “You’ve already given me your coat.”

        “Well that’s what a synthetic gentleman does for an organic lady.”

        “Ah, I see chivalry is not dead, it’s just made of metal.”

        He gave a small laugh, but still eyed her with worry.

        “I’ll be fine. Let me push through this," she sighed, feeling she was trying outrun a dark cloud of bad memories along with the encroaching deluge. “I need to get back in shape anyway.”

        “Alright, just take it easy, hun.”

        “You’re... not just being nice to me because you think I’m the weaker sex, are you?”

        “Oh jeez, no," he said, looking down at his feet abashedly. “Is that how I’m comin’ across?”

        “No, I’m just wondering.” She bit her lip, feeling guilty for asking.

        “Nothin’ to do with gender, I just tend to uh... _hover_. Sure you’re a girl, and I’m a guy, but that’s not the real difference between us. _I’m_ not a human. _You_ are. And let’s face it, you people are _fragile_.”

        She could feel it in her weary bones. “Yeah I guess we are.”

        “Sorry if I offended you,” Nick quietly repented.

        “Nah, I was just trying to gauge just _how_ old fashioned you are.”

        “As much as I loved detective stories, a lot of them rubbed me the wrong way," Nick grumbled. "Sure I looked up to their skills, but their personalities were nothin’ to write home about. Doubt they’d treat somethin’ like me as an equal. And the girl always got fridged, which, well...” He sighed.

        “I got fridged too. Technically flash frozen," she said.

        He glanced at her and slowly smiled. “Guess you did, huh. Well I’m glad you defrosted and found me. Though I suppose we could have met under... better circumstances.”

        “Yeah...”

        Lately she was feeling as if she’d gotten off task. Putting the quest that once fully consumed her onto the back burner. The clues they had picked up were leading her to dangerous places she didn’t feel equipped to handle yet. She needed better weapons, and armor sturdier than her Vault suit and worn leather padding. Anything could be waiting for them, and if the Institute was truly responsible for tearing her family from her, she was going to face the most powerful force in the Commonwealth.

        Why did it have to be this way? Why was she alive when everyone she ever knew perished? When her war veteran husband could have easily overcome obstacles that she still could not climb. All it would've taken for Nate's survival is if _she_ had been the one who’d carried Shaun that day...

        “You alright?” Nick asked tentatively. “Was it something I said?”

        “I dunno. I just get kinda... I think a lot about what I could have done differently.”

        “Don’t go over that. Those kind of thoughts chew you up and spit you out, and you’ll be worse off than you were before.”

        “I know," she groaned. “It’s just... sometimes I wish we never went to the Vault _at all_. I know he’d still be dead, but... sometimes I wish I was too.”

        Nick stopped abruptly and turned to her. “Don’t say that. Don’t ever say that," he said firmly, and then sighed. “I know it’s hard... _Really, I do_. But when you feel like you can’t go on no more, just know that everyone who loved you would want you to. And there’s people you haven’t met who will make you real happy. People who are... gonna need you.”

        “Need me?" she asked softly.

        “If you died two-hundred years ago... who would’ve been there for your old Codsworth? Who would’ve let Piper back into the city? Who would’ve sprung me from that goddamn Vault…? And been the first real friend I’ve had in a long time... who made me feel like a true equal.”

        “You _are_ equal," she said gently.

        “You don’t know who, or what I even am," he replied.

        “I’m _trying_ to.”

        “I’m just a machine---”

        “You’re a lovely man.”

        He bowed his head. “Goodness. You’re really something else.”

        Nick looked back at her tentatively as if it took great effort. She too often found it difficult to make eye contact with people, but something about his gaze made hers lock like a magnet. She couldn't read his expression, probably a side effect of him being an android, but he seemed like he wanted to say something.

        Something hit her nose, startling her. Then again on her cheek. The first droplets of rain.

        Nick tore his gaze away, looking at the newly freckled pavement.

        “Ah, damn, it caught us," he hissed.

        “We should keep going," she insisted feeling sudden urgency.

        “No, kiddo. You need rest.”

        “I wanna get home," she said, almost defiantly.

        “Listen, walking in the rain can really do a num--”

        “Oh!” she said, eyes widening. “You’re all electronics. That can’t be good.”

        “Uh, right,” Nick replied, pulling his shirt collar up slightly. “Lotsa... exposed wires.”

        “Oh shit," she looked around. “There’s not much of a place to take shelter.”

        “We’ll keep moving and then make a break for the first refuge we see. Hows that for compromise?" he said.

        “OK."

        "Now let's _move_ ," he said, turning heel.

        She trailed him closely with worry. "Do you want your coat back?" she offered as the rain picked up strength.

        “No, rather you take it. It’s not like I can get hypothermia.”

        "Death by rain would be a very anti-climactic way to go," she joked. "For either of us."

        "Ah, might conflict with the aesthetic, but I'd take a nice quiet death over a blaze of glory. But _you've_ got work to do, so you best not pass on now due to something so preventable."

        "Yeah well,  _I need you_  in order to do it so... practice some self preservation too."

        They walked a brisk pace, Nick scanning one side of their surroundings, and she the other. The wasteland seemed even more… deserted. _Murphy’s Law or something_ , she decided as a gale hit her back. The full force of the incoming storm was hot on their heels. She eyed Nick anxiously, hoping his overly selfless nature wouldn’t gift him with a short circuit.

        “There, look at that!” he announced, pointing. She squinted and saw a trailer pulled off far into the grass. “Lock that right up and we’ve got ourselves shelter for the night.”

        She nodded and they made a quick dash for their new camp.

        ----

        The rains were too strong to make a fire, and building one inside was hazardous, so dinner was meager. She and Nick sat in the trailer, listening to the radio fading in and out. It was apparent they weren't the first to hole up inside.

        “How long do you think this storm will last?" she asked, munching glumly on a carrot. Her mind kept straying to her old house, and how she’d prefer a stove cooked meal over raw vegetables for supper.

        “Dunno. Took long enough to catch us, might last just as long.”

        She made an unhappy noise and felt her remaining energy dropping with her mood.

        “Well what can we do til then? You might as well sleep until it passes. In fact I’m gonna _insist_ you do.”

        She sulked but slowly took her makeshift pillow out of her bag, setting it on the dirty mattress that already resided in the shelter. She wondered how many people had slept on it before.

        An hour came and went, and she tossed and turned on the lumpy bed. She had Nick’s coat draped over her as a blanket, but she could hardly fit her whole body under it. Nick was unmoving, staring straight ahead, and silent except for the slight mechanical noises every once in awhile that were noticeable in the confined space. It almost seemed like he was in some dead eyed meditation.

        She gazed up in frustration at the metal ceiling, faintly illuminated by the ambient glow of her PipBoy. The patter of the storm was sharp and loud against the trailer, though not unpleasantly so.

        “I had a white noise machine. Got to the point where I couldn’t sleep without it," she mused.

        “Is that why you haven’t been sleeping?”

        “Kinda... but the rain helps...” she murmured, pulling the coat closer to her face.

        “Sorry you’ve had such a… rough time," he said with quiet sadness.

        “It would be selfish to think I’m the only one who has it tough in a world like this," she sighed. “Though I guess no one was thrust into it the way I was.”

        “You’d be surprised," he replied.

        “What do you mean?" she asked, peering over at his glowing eyes.

        “Oh just… you can go a long time thinking you’re alone… like no one could ever understand. But then by some bizarre coincidence… someone does.”

        She made a thoughtful sound. The sentiment was comforting but she wondered how much it was true. Though, on further reflection, Nick having the truly unique case of being a prototype made his words a bit more potent. If he could find someone who related to him in some way, maybe she could too.

        “What do you do instead of sleep?" she asked, noting his prolonged stillness.

        “I mainly just think…” he said. “A little _too_ much sometimes.”

        “Me too," she mumbled, wishing she had a switch to turn off her racing thoughts. Though it seemed even a machine like Nick didn't have that luxury.

        Her body felt exhausted but her mind obsessively began listing everything she wanted but didn’t have. She knew the dead could not be raised, but she was desperate for something simple like a hot shower, a down comforter, a massage… just any creature comforts. She felt her eyes start to water and turned over before Nick could see. She didn’t want to make him worry even more.

        “I had bad insomnia before…” she lamented, voice bouncing off the metal walls, “and this was with a nice warm bed and a husband to comfort me.”

        “What would he do?”

        “Little things. Play with my hair. Run his fingers along my back...” Her lips twitched with a small smile, “Sometimes he tries really hard to stay up with me and just fall asleep mid-sentence. Then when he wakes up he apologizes like crazy and it’s so cute.”

        “He sounds nice,” Nick said softly.

        “He is… _Was_ ," she corrected.

        What she wouldn’t give to hold Nate again too. Even talk to him just one more time. Some days the loss was overwhelming, but other days it just made her body hollow and cold, like her heart had been crushed into dust and she’d never feel anything again. Existing in limbo, in an era she was never intended to be, let alone see. And here would come another night where she laid not awake or asleep. Not alive or dead.

        She felt soft light strokes against her back, as if her husband was there again.

        “Nick...” she whispered.

        She felt him pull away. “Sorry... crossed a line?”

        “No, no... it’s... it’s sweet.”

        His hand cautiously resumed the motion, and she felt relieved. She was slowly realizing that she'd been wanting him to touch her again like he did that night at the noodle stand. Craving that human contact, that soft comfort, feeling the kindness through his fingertips. For some reason she couldn’t place, everything about Nick Valentine made her feel safe, almost more so than she’d ever felt with a human.

        “You're lucky I’m a robot.”

        “Why’s that?”

        “My arms don’t get tired.”

        She laughed, and she could feel her tears dampen the scratchy pillow. Maybe her heart wasn’t beyond repair.

        “Close those doe eyes of yours while you still got the rain," he said gently. “Drift off. Know I’m here. You’re not alone.”

        The sound of the raindrops echoed through her, like soft pleasant chills, and Nick’s soothing words and touch made everything permeate deeper. Sleep beckoned her, like an old friend returning from her past life, and maybe for just one night the world seemed right again.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know when exactly I'll have another installment since NaNo is coming up and I want to try my hand at that since I'm a much more experienced writer. Perhaps you'll see something in November. But the more feedback I get the sooner things'll get done since that's kind of the fuel I run on. Thanks again for reading <3


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